So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
