They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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