Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
