I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize