I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
