No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
