you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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