Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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