Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
