If i come over, it means nothing
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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