new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
