I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize