i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
