my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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