So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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