Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize