I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Drake has all the answers
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
