I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
