Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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