saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
