sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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