It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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