Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
