just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
two words...techno handjob
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
