I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
