She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
