i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
