i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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