I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
