I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize