No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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