Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
