I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
