I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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