what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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