i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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