On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
