Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
