please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
