my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm always down for nudity.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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