Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
