omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
And then he peed in my hair
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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