You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
