i jhust puked up my retainher.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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