Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
