im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
