I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
