Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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