"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
