I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
