They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You have to summon your inner elephant
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
