Cold hands, warm shart.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
