I just pynch a tree in the face
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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