so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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