Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize