i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
