cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
