i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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