Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I've blown a few things in my day
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
