The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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