I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
