I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
