That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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