I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize