I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
