he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
