I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
