I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
