did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Farmville is her only friend.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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