Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
