I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
This is my gift to your gina
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
