wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
