I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
