Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
