so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
