in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
