I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
