like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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