we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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