WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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